


got 180 degrees and I'm caught in between

by barelyprolific



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Carina DeLuca is the Superior DeLuca, Crack Treated Seriously, Don't Read This, F/F, F/M, It's not relevant I just wanted to say it, Meredith is in jail or something idk, Pansexual Atticus Lincoln, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, love triangles suck go poly instead, mentioned caggie because I literally cannot help myself, ménages à trois, thank you Britney Spears for 3 and also for everything, the author was stoned when he wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 14:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20083477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barelyprolific/pseuds/barelyprolific
Summary: “Ugh,” Amelia buries her face in her hands. “This is all so...teenager me. Minus the drug addiction.”





	got 180 degrees and I'm caught in between

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back with some brand new crack?

Technically, Amelia is single and casually dating. Neither of the two insanely attractive people she is standing in the neuro lab with are her significant other, because she doesn’t have one. But as she stands there, listening to Carina and Link discuss treatment options for the unborn baby of one of her patients, Amelia feels incredibly awkward.

She’s not lying to either of them. Link knows about Carina, Carina knows about Link. They’ve both been surprisingly mature about it. Well, maybe it’s only surprising when Amelia compares them to her most current ex. Owen could never handle sharing, even once he was done with the person. Link and Carina, though…

Amelia watches Carina put her hand on Link’s arm as she leans in closer to point at something on one of the scans spread out on the table. Watches her glance up at Link from behind all that glorious hair and smile. Watches Link laugh in return, harder when she winks.

Maybe Amelia’s the one with the jealousy problem. She hadn’t been expecting either of them to be this comfortable with the fact that she’s dating them both. 

She’s not sure what to do about it.

“Come, Amelia, listen to what Dr. Lincoln has come up with. It is like something a crazy scientist would say, but I think it’ll work.”

Carina’s words jar her from her thoughts, making Amelia jump slightly. She returns Carina’s smile, though, taking the few steps necessary to join her and Link. 

“A crazy scientist, huh?” Amelia grins at Link. “So what’s the plan?”

“He wants to--” The words bubble out of Carina before she stops herself, shakes her head. “I’ll let him explain. And if it works, I’m buying you a drink.” 

The last part of her comment is directed at Link, who chuckles.

“Well, it’s gonna work, so I’ll be looking forward to that. Now, see, what I wanna do is…”

Link starts to explain, and Amelia really is trying to pay attention. All she can think about, though, is the idea of Link and Carina dating _ each other_, and poor little her left out in the cold.

“And really,” Amelia says to Maggie later, “Isn’t that a little hypocritical of me?” 

She adds another scoop of coffee to the filter, throws in a little cinnamon on top of it because Maggie’s not looking. Hidden vegetables, she thinks with a small smirk. 

“No.” Maggie barely glances up from the crossword. “Not at all. You’re worried they’re going to like each other more than they like you.”

Amelia thinks about it for a few seconds. When Maggie says it like that, so bluntly, it sounds _ very _ middle school.

“It’s why I could never be in a poly relationship,” Maggie continues when Amelia doesn’t reply. “I’d constantly be worried that they were off making fun of me behind my back, or something.”

“Whoa, who said anything about poly? Besides Hellmouth,” Amelia adds, because Helm is not subtle with the hints she’s been dropping since...well, since Teddy showed up, probably, but Amelia doesn’t always pay attention to the interns the way she maybe should.

Or are they residents now? She’s not really sure. 

That line of thought isn’t the point, however, so Amelia steers herself back on track. 

“I am casually dating two people, and eventually I’ll pick one of them or maybe even find someone else…”

“Except that those two people you’re casually dating are now, apparently, casually dating each other.” This time Maggie actually looks up. Her face is very judgy. For a second, Amelia hates her.

“They went out for a drink after a successful surgery. That’s not a date.” 

Is it? Are Link and Carina sitting somewhere now, leaning into each other, being impossibly beautiful together? Or have they already made it to one of their apartments? Carina was wearing her lacy purple bra today, and the things it does to her already amazing breasts…

“You have this look on your face right now like you’re imagining something really hot, but kind of upsetting.” Maggie pushes her chair back, standing up so that she can cross over to Amelia and take the bag of coffee from her hands. 

Amelia hadn’t even realized she was still holding it. 

“Oh, you know,” she chuckles bitterly. “I’m just picturing two of the hottest people in the world, all over each other… Without me.” 

Maggie’s eyes narrow, and she tilts her head thoughtfully. Her expression is so Meredith that Amelia is hit with just how much she misses her. 

“Would you prefer that image if it wasn’t without you?”

Considering this, Amelia changes the movie in her head a little. Now she’s there too, helping Link undress Carina to get to that lacy purple bra, helping Link take off his shirt to reveal all those muscles… 

“Nope.” She shakes her head. “Not enough focus on me.”

“Honestly, I feel like that would make sex better. Sometimes all that attention on me just makes me self-conscious.” 

Amelia pauses, studying her sister. 

“If you have time to feel self-conscious, someone isn’t doing their job right.”

“Ha ha.”

“So what do I do? Do I ask Carina and Link not to date each other?”

“Are you comfortable with them dating people other than each other? Or are you expecting exclusivity from them while not giving it yourself?” 

“Where are you getting this crap?” Amelia mutters, turning away from Maggie to go back to making coffee.

“Hellmouth. She talks a lot.”

“Oh, is that why you prefer Parker? Because he doesn’t talk?”

Maggie’s cheeks go dark, her eyes narrowing.

“Shut up. Parker is naturally talented at Cardio, okay?”

“Sure, sure.”

Maggie huffs, and goes back to the table and her crossword. Amelia shakes her head, gets down a cup for her coffee.

She still has no idea what to do.

“Hey.”

Link has this habit of popping up next to her, beaming, that Amelia could really do without. It’s always a pleasant experience to see his handsome face, but she could skip the element of surprise. Especially when she’s deep in concentration, trying to figure out how to resect a truly magnificent tumor.

“Hey,” she manages, tilts her cheek up for the kiss Link plants on it. 

“We still on for tonight?”

“Oh.” Amelia blinks. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

“Did you think I forgot?”

“Just wasn’t sure if we were still on after you took Carina out for drinks last night.”

Link looks puzzled for all of a second, leaning against the table next to her. He grins, although he’s doing that thing where his smile is easy and his eyes are serious.

“Technically, she took me out. And you go out with Carina and then me all the time.”

“No, I know.” Amelia forces a smile. “That’s why, I mean… I’ve been out with Carina. And I know I’m kinda boring in comparison.”

“Not boring.” Link leans down to kiss her cheek again. “Just different. I’ll see you tonight.”

As Link leaves the lab, he nods at Tom as he comes in.

Tom Koracick is the least helpful man on the planet. Amelia knows this, so she doesn’t know why she’s so surprised that he’s useless. 

“Uh-oh,” he whistles, watching Link go. “Some tension there. Is there trouble in Bimelia land?”

Amelia pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. 

“Link and Carina are dating. I think.”

“Well, damn, I owe Hellmouth fifty bucks.”

Amelia shoots Tom a sharp glare.

“You need to stop hanging out with the interns.”

“They’re residents now, Shepherd.” Tom tsks at her. “Something’s wrong when I know that and you don’t. And I’ll stop hanging out with them when the rest of this hospital stops treating me like a villain, twirling my moustache and tying helpless maidens to train tracks.” 

“You keep Qadri away from any train tracks, Tom.” Amelia pauses, then adds, “And stop with the bi puns.”

“Aw, c’mon. You should be proud of it! Hellmouth says that bisexuals are one of the invisible queer communities. Be the representation they deserve.” 

“I feel like you should be twirling your moustache right now,” Amelia mutters.

“Nice. I’m trying to be supportive and you’re picking out my cape and top hat.”

“At least you’re a well-dressed villain,” Amelia points out, and Tom grins at her. 

This is probably the lowest Amelia has ever sunk, but come lunchtime a few days later, she finds herself slinking up to the table where Hellmouth and her friends are sitting. They fall silent when she gets close, exchanging panicked looks when she sits down.

It would be fun, except that cutting past their intimidation wastes valuable seconds.

“Hellmou--Helm. Dr. Helm. I have some questions.”

Schmitt drops his spoon. Helm and Parker exchange wide-eyed looks. It’s Qadri, though, who speaks.

“Would you like the rest of us to leave?”

Amelia looks around the table at the ragtag group of kids that are the surviving second-year residents, their earnest, curious faces, and sighs. 

“No, you can stay.”

“So what are your questions?” Helm asks, while Schmitt recovers his spoon and the other two go back to their own lunches, trying to look like they’re not eavesdropping. 

“What I’m asking you doesn’t get out to anyone else.” Amelia glares at everyone at the table. “That goes for all of you. Got it?”

Once she’s collected her ‘yes ma’ams’ and her ‘got its’, Amelia gives her attention to Helm again. 

“So, as you probably know, I’m dating two people.”

“Oh, we know,” Schmitt mutters into his soup. There’s something about his comment, paired with the look that flickers across Helm’s face, that just for a second makes Amelia think maybe asking for advice from her would be...cruel, somehow. 

It passes, though, and Helm is smiling at her.

“Dr. Lincoln and Dr. DeLuca. Uh, Carina.” 

“Right. And now…” Amelia laughs nervously, pushing the tips of her pointer fingers together, “now they’re also dating each other.”

“Okay…” Helm drawls. “And everybody knows about it?”

“Yeah.”

“And none of you said anything about being exclusive?”

“Well, no…” 

“It would be kind of unfair of you if you expected them to be exclusive with you while you weren’t with them,” Schmitt points out. He’s about as helpful as Tom.

“So what’s the problem?” Helm asks, ignoring Schmitt’s interjection with that same smile. 

“The problem is…” Amelia takes a deep breath. “I mean…” She leans in a little. “I don’t care if they date other people, it’s just them dating each other… What if they’re talking about me? What if they talk about what I’m like in bed with each other?”

Amelia rolls her eyes, like she doesn’t think her idea has merit. Like she hasn’t been obsessing about exactly that thought for over a week now.

It’s Parker who speaks this time, with an expression that is surprisingly disrespectful for someone with a military background. She blames Maggie. 

“They’re probably not talking about you. I don’t think either of them are that sort of person.”

“Well, what if I get in a fight with one of them, and the other one takes their side?”

“I’m sure they’d only do that if you were in the wrong.”

Amelia dislikes the implication, but Parker has a point. He has several, in fact. 

“Look, if you’re that worried about it, why not just ask to have all three of you hang out next time? Maybe seeing their dynamic will put you at ease.” 

Qadri is giving the most sensible advice out of all of them, Amelia thinks. It’s still advice that makes her stomach squirm.

“Ugh,” she buries her face in her hands. “This is all so...teenager Amelia. Minus the drug addiction.” 

There’s a beat of silence, and then Schmitt speaks, thoughtful.

“Wow, I’m really glad I’m not single anymore.”

He gets a chip thrown at him. Amelia thinks it’s only fair.

Later, Amelia takes advantage of having Helm on her service to ask her more questions.

“So, is what we’re doing considered poly? Because Maggie said…”

“Uh, no,” Taryn says hastily, “I don’t think so. There’s a difference between casually dating around and actually being in a poly relationship.”

Amelia takes this information, turns it over in her head. 

“What would make it poly?”

“Well, for one thing, it’s something everyone has to agree on, and you seem pretty uncomfortable with the idea.” Helm sounds exasperated. 

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with the idea,” Amelia defends. “I just...don’t understand it. I’m new to all of this, you know.”

Helm seems to mull this over for awhile. This time, when she speaks, her tone is a little gentler.

“Polyamory is having an intimate relationship, not necessarily of a sexual nature ‘cause aces exist, with more than one partner, where all partners consent and know about each other. It’s just as committed as a monogamous relationship, in its own way. There are a lot of books on it, and I have a couple if you want to borrow one.”

Like Amelia has time to read. She pushes onward. 

“And if we’re all dating each other, that’s the same thing?”

“Eh.” Helm waves her hand. “I mean, you guys are sort of a _ ménages à trois_, which is a form of polyamory, since there's only three of you, and you’re all dating each other. But really, Dr. Shepherd, you should be sitting down and talking to Link and Carina about this, not me or anyone else. I can’t decide what label your relationship has for you.”

Helm is right. Amelia knows Helm is right.

She sighs. 

“Hey, figuring this stuff out isn’t always easy. It’s not like we’re taught extensively about human sexuality in schools.” 

From the tone of her voice, Helm clearly feels that they should. Amelia is starting to agree. Maybe then she wouldn’t be almost forty and still completely confused about her sexuality.

“Things were just so much easier when I dated men and only men.”

“Were they though?”

Well, fuck.

"Go away, Hellmouth."

It took some favor trading, some cajoling, and swearing Parker’s name wouldn’t come up for at least a month during sibling teases, but Amelia’s got Maggie and the kids out of the house for the night.

There’s a beautiful Italian woman sitting in her kitchen, sipping expensive red wine, and a handsome blonde man about to show up with some surprise dessert, and Amelia’s palms are sweating so badly she keeps dropping the tongs she’s using to flip their steaks.

Carina looks towards the door when Link knocks, then casts Amelia a warm smile.

“Should I answer?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Amelia looks down at the burnt meat in her pan. Maybe they can order pizza, or something. 

On her way to the door, Carina detours so that she can slip an arm around Amelia’s waist and hook her chin over her shoulder. Amelia feels like she’s been completely submerged in the nicest bath ever, even with Carina’s hair tickling her nose.

The tongs get plucked from her hand.

“On second thought, you should answer, and I will try to fix dinner.”

There’s really not much Amelia can argue with, there, so she does as she’s told, throwing open the door for Link. He’s standing there looking devastating, a crisp blue shirt that pops his eyes and a blinding grin. If Amelia’s knees go weak for a second, it’s completely understandable.

“Schmitt helped me make cheesecake,” he says, completely unashamed as he holds up a plastic tupperware container. 

“What a saint.” Amelia steps aside to let him in. He goes straight to the kitchen, a reminder that he’s been there before. And not just for Amelia--but it’s an unfortunate fact that the Grey-Sloan dating pool is small and incestuous. Nobody else really gets them.

Amelia is half expecting Link to greet Carina properly first, so it’s a little gratifying that once his hands are empty, he pulls her close to give her a kiss, then goes to Carina for the same.

And it’s not weird at all.

Okay, so it’s a little weird, but… It’s not bad. Amelia was expecting the sight to make her unhappy, but having them both there in her kitchen like this, it’s not awful.

It’s kinda nice.

“What happened to this steak?” Link whistles, shakes his head. 

“Amelia was distracted.”

“You are pretty distracting.”

“Maybe she was distracted by her waiting for you. You were late.”

They’re flirting. They’re flirting right in front of her, but Amelia somehow doesn’t feel excluded. 

“Actually, I was nervous,” Amelia interrupts, getting both of their attention. She grins at them, shrugs. “I don’t know what we’re doing here. I like both of you, and you both like me, and you like each other… I wasn’t sure how I would feel with us all here.”

Carina frowns.

“You’re upset?”

“I was. Or I thought I was.” Amelia takes a deep breath. “But I think this could work? Maybe? The three of us? If we take it slow?” 

“I thought that was what we were doing.” Carina seems genuinely puzzled. 

“Oh.” 

Amelia looks to Link for some sort of reaction, only to find the man’s shoulders shaking in silent laughter. She puts her hands on her hips.

“And what is so funny, mister?”

“Nothing, nothing. I’m just thinking about how stoked I would have been at seventeen to be in this exact situation.”

“Really? Teenage Amelia would be having a breakdown.”

“To be fair, bella, adult you seemed to be having one too,” Carina leans in to brush hair out of Amelia’s eyes. 

“Meanwhile, teenage Carina over here would have been dignified and graceful about the whole thing, obviously.” Link winks at Amelia over Carina’s head, and Amelia grins.

“Obviously. That’s just how our girl is.”

“Oh, okay,” Carina laughs, “Now we are making fun of me, I see. When will it be Link’s turn?”

“After I order a pizza,” Link says, “because there is no salvaging those steaks. Because our girlfriend can’t cook when she’s nervous.”

“Apparently our boyfriend can’t cook at all. He had to get Schmitt to help him with the cheesecake,” Amelia shoots back.

“Baking and cooking are not the same thing,” Link defends, pulling out his phone. He leans against the counter while Carina starts cleaning up the mess on the stove. Amelia goes over to the sink to get the dishes started while the flirting continues.

Technically, she is very taken, and the two insanely attractive people in her kitchen are _both_ her significant other.

**Author's Note:**

> @ Grey's give me bi Amelia and a canon poly relationship PLEASE.


End file.
